How To Talk To Older Kids About Santa
Are your kids getting older and starting to doubt? Are you wondering how to talk to kids about Santa this year? If you think it’s time to talk to kids about Santa, here’s how to do it so that they don’t feel betrayed by the people they trust the most.
The belief in Santa Claus is a holiday tradition that many families participate in. Have your younger kids written their letter to Santa yet this year?
As much as we love seeing our kids get excited about Santa every year, at some point they will learn he’s not real. The “Santa talk” has always been a delicate topic for kids, one that can find parents unprepared.
Is it possible to break the news gently? Can you do it without ruining the magic of Christmas?
I say yes, you can! If you approach the topic wisely your children will still love Christmas as much as before, or even more than before!
Being prepared for the “Santa talk” is very important because usually, this discussion is started by the kids who are sharing their suspicions.
Don’t be surprised if it comes at an unexpected time. Prepare a speech ahead of time on how to talk to kids about Santa when the moment arrives.
This will avoid negative feelings children can develop when they first learn Santa isn’t real. Those feelings can vary from anger to disappointment, and loss of trust in parents (or adults), in general.
At What Age Do Kids Stop Believing in Santa Claus?
As parents, we are very fond of our children’s belief in Santa. It’s adorable, and it allows us to anonymously spoil them each Christmas. That’s why it can be hard to let go.
According to a study conducted by The University Of Exeter U.K., most kids stop believing in Santa around the age of 8.
Don’t take this piece of information as a golden standard because each child is unique but somewhere between the age of 7 and 12 is usually when kids find the truth about Santa.
And it usually doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it’s a gradual shift in thinking.
Luckily, as parents, we know our kids well and will notice these changes as they happen. As long as you remain observant you will know when the right time comes on how to talk to kids about Santa.
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How Old Is Too Old To Believe In Santa Claus?
Santa Claus is a wonderful illusion that’s lovely for a young child but at some point, they will learn the truth, whether we want them to or not.
There’s no specific age set in stone at which your kids should stop believing in Santa, but most children find out he’s not real by the time they enter seventh grade.
After age 7, children become more logical and reasoned. Impossible-sounding things like a flying sled pulled by reindeers will catch their attention and make them think.
They might start to question Santa on their own, or older siblings may spill the beans, or the kids at school will let the cat out of the bag.
It’s better you take the matter into your own hands so the truth can be delivered in a gentler manner. This way your child will be spared of disappointment or feelings of betrayal.
How To Tell Your Child Santa Isn’t Real Without Breaking Their Trust
When your child asks if Santa is real, it’s clear they are already suspecting he isn’t. Lying to a three-year-old is not the same as lying to your older child when he asks the big question.
Most experts agree you shouldn’t lie in this situation. But how can you tell the truth in a way that hurts less?
The best approach is to tell them Santa isn’t actually a person, but rather the spirit of Christmas that lives in everyone who welcomes it.
You can make an example of all the Santas you see during the holidays on the streets, in malls, department stores, on TV, and everywhere else. You can explain to your child that he’s now old enough to become a Santa too.
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Focus On The Spirit Of The Season And Everyone’s Role In It
Teaching him or her about the spirit of helping and gift-giving will help them understand what the symbol of Santa really stands for. It will also make a great excuse for all the years you and your spouse “played” Santa for your child.
If your child loves the idea of becoming Santa, you can help him find a worthy person in need of help each holiday and allow him to purchase a meaningful gift for that person. Santa might be getting milk and cookies for delivering his presents, but that’s not why he does it.
This is a wonderful empathy exercise that will only add to the magic of Christmas for your kids and teach them how rewarding it can feel to help others.
What To Expect When You Talk To Your Kids About Santa Not Being Real
As long as you don’t delay the Santa talk for too long and you’re gentle when the moment arrives, there’s not much to worry about.
Kids love many fictional characters and once they find out Santa’s not real, he will join the ever-growing list. It won’t make Christmas any less enjoyable!
And, if you allow your child to become Santa too, the holidays might be even more fun!
Still, kids can experience a large variety of feelings when you deliver the news, and it’s good to be prepared for anything. Here are a few things you can do.
Be Prepared For Their Emotions
Some children are more sensitive than others, and as a parent, you know your kiddos best. Find a way to deliver the news in a relaxed scenario.
Watch a Christmas movie or engage in another activity that will help your child be relaxed and feel good about Christmas before starting the talk, if possible.
Regardless of how you think your child will take the news, be ready to comfort him or her if needed. Sometimes the truth about Santa can come from other kids, which can shock your little one, and they’ll turn to you for comfort – and the truth.
Answer All Their Questions
Older children that realize Santa is a fictional character will have plenty of questions for you.
Be patient with them and let them know about the true meaning of Santa. Affirm how we should all adopt this symbol of love in our hearts.
They might also be concerned with how the holidays will play out from now on.
You can comfort them by explaining you and your spouse were already their personal Santa and will continue to be so they can still enjoy gifts every year.
The news will be softer for kids that have already started to suspect Santa’s not real, so just being honest with them will make them appreciate you even more!
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Try A Christmas Book Or Movie
Reading A Christmas book or watching a holiday-themed movie with your child is a great way to ease into the conversation.
Bonus points if the title discusses the meaning of the Christmas spirit or the topic of believing/not believing in Santa.
Here are a few great book ideas to help:
- The Santa Talk
- Becoming Santa
- The Legend of St. Nicholas: A Story of Christmas Giving
- The Big Secret: The Whole and Honest Truth About Santa Claus
- Santa: The Whole Story: Truthful Answers to the Question: “Is Santa Real”
- Love, Santa
- Ssshh…Santa’s Secret Society: Where Secrets are Unlocked, and the Magic of Santa Lives on Forever!
Tell Them Your Story
Another way to make the transition to a Santa-less Christmas is to tell your kids how you found out the guy in the red suit isn’t real.
Try to find a few points they can relate to and explain how Santa is used by all parents to make Christmas a special experience for their kids.
Explain It’s Still Worth Believing In Santa
Even if Santa is not an actual person, your child should know it’s still worth believing in what he stands for. Being caring and generous with others is something all children should learn.
Tell them the spirit of Santa is worth holding onto and allow your kids to make small gifts to people in need. This will help them still appreciate Santa and develop their empathy.
Allow Older Kids To Talk To Them
Older siblings, other family members, or other classmates and friends who have already learned the truth about Santa can talk to your child.
Getting explanations and reassurance from other kids can help you accept reality easier and understand Christmas can still be a fun and special holiday.
How To Talk About Santa To Kids Without Lying
The Santa myth is popular for a good reason. It symbolizes unconditional love, generosity, and helping people in need.
However, Santa does have some not-so-positive traits that are a bit overused by parents and have been excessively commercialized over the past few decades.
For example, he has the power to know whether kids have been bad or good (like a jolly Big Brother) and the gifts he offers are based on that rating. Parents often use this as a tool for making children more obedient via the reward-punishment system.
Also, since Christmas gifts come from Santa, kids may constantly ask for expensive presents. After all, they have no idea we are the ones actually buying them, and Santa is just a fictional character.
For a three-year-old, there’s not much lying involved, but as your kids grow older, they will start asking questions.
How does Santa deliver all of his presents in a single night? How does he fly? Where does he live? And so, you will have to lie to your little one over and over to preserve the Santa myth.
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How To Talk To Kids About Santa: Tell Them The History Of The Legend
This can be difficult for many parents, even if these lies are the innocent kind. The good news is, you can talk to your kids about Santa without lying because “Santa” was actually Saint Nicholas, who was very real.
It all started in ancient Myra when Nicholas gave an anonymous present to an unfortunate family. He spared the father’s pride but still managed to help them. He simply gave up recognition because he did it from the kindness of his heart. From then on, he helped many other people in need, and according to historic records, he became the Bishop of Myra, just like his uncle before him.
The story of Saint Nick is the actual truth and presenting Santa as a real man who lived long ago, and his legacy remains in our hearts and minds is a much better tale for our children.
They have much to learn from this tale, and it happens to be a true one!
If you choose to go with this story, you can also limit the gifts from Santa to just one.
For the sake of the real story, make sure that gift is something your kid needs (because St. Nick was known to offer gifts to those in need).
All other presents should come from friends and family, which will be wonderful because you won’t have to lie to your child and he will have the opportunity to thank the gift-givers.
Even more, St. Nick’s story will serve you in demonstrating the true meaning of Santa. And as we already discussed, you can explain to your child that anyone can become Santa, including him.
Explaining Santa And The Spirit Of Giving To Older Children
Transitioning children from believing in Santa doesn’t have to be that difficult! Even if you waited longer to tell your kids the truth, there are still gentle ways to do it that won’t break their trust in you as a parent.
Older kids might already be suspicious of Santa not being real, which means it’s the right time to have the talk. This will make your job a bit easier but still be sure to tread carefully.
Spending some quality time with your child doing something he loves will help him feel more relaxed and have an easier time accepting the truth.
The KEY here is to help kids move from believing IN Santa to being LIKE Santa by having a giving spirit – which is the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
Christmas Is Magic Even Without Santa
Even if they already know the truth I am sure your children still love Santa, Christmas, and all the traditions that go along with the winter holidays. Myths can be loved by kids just like we adults love them. They all know characters such as Batman and Superman are not real and it doesn’t stop them from loving these figures.
Knowing how to appropriately talk to kids about Santa and the fact that he is not real can help ease their emotions. It can even turn this new information into a positive by understanding the importance of the giving spirit at Christmas time.
Being thoughtful but honest will make your holidays easier, and your children will still be able to enjoy this special time of the year, making wonderful memories. The joy of Christmas largely depends on the effort you’re willing to put into the celebration as parents.
In other words, we all need to make our own Christmas magic, and your kids will learn that from you!
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